Fri 03 January 2025

I was perusing Annie's Love letters 1-5 (from 82MHz' blog post) today, and I was struck with the subject of happiness:

Most of all, do not bear the burden of your own happiness.

It made me think of an odd thing that happened when I was playing cards with near family members last night. Oh, but first, let's get this out of the way:

Content Warning: this post deals with a rather "adult" subject (in a humorous context). While I strive to make my blog mostly family-friendly, this post will be a rare exception.

Yesterday, I was perusing reddit (a guilty pleasure when I am severely dopamine-deprived — reddit is not a nice place), and one post looked interesting: the title was along the lines of "What was one surprising thing you learned about the animal kingdom that you have not been able to forget?"

I read some of the comments. Some were banal, some were savage, and one was... very odd. We'll get to that. So, I read a few comments, and I closed the article after reading the "very odd" a.k.a. kind of ridiculous/terrible fact, and got back to work, low-key attempting to forget what I had read.

Later that evening, I'm playing cards with two older female family members, and this small fact from reddit comes crawling back to the forefront of my brain.

(It is not welcome.)

The factoid doesn't care that it is unbidden and unwelcome. It sits atop the apex of my brain, unmoving.

I start really struggling. A giggle slowly works its way up my throat. I repress it, partially closing off my airway in the process. My eyes are now firmly planted on the cards in front of me, unmoving. I find it hard to read off the cards for my legally-blind family member. I find it hard to interact.

My mind is in Sev 1 lockdown, trying to quench the riotous laughter that is attempting to force its way out of my body. The weight of three years of intense sadness, unfortunate life circumstances, loss, and family illness conspire with the horrid joke/factoid against me, and I am at a losing the war.

"What is going on?" a family member notices my silence and pained expression.

"No," I simply reply.

"What?"

"Nope nope nope. Not telling. It's bad."

"Uhh, ok," they respond.

I continue to try to play Pasur with them, but I am increasingly incapacitated by the factoid.

"What is it?!?" my relative asks.

I am silent, for my body is convulsing in repressed laughter.

"It is so bad," I say. But I begin to relent. I cannot fight this anymore. It has won. The factoid must be known, the consequences be damned.

"What???" they ask again.

I start to try to tell it, to try to release the Niagara Falls of inappropriate humor now locked up in my soul. But now I am really losing it.

"I was reading online--"

I am doubled over in pain, wheezing.

"--scientists gave--"

My flabdominal muscles are screaming in agony. I have the entire room's rapt attention.

"--scientists gave gorill-as--"

Sounds are coming out of my mouth that I've never heard it produce before. Sobs, cries, gasps, wheezing, and laughter like you could not imagine could come from a human voice.

"--scientists gave gorillas VIBRATORS--"

My windpipe threatens to close as I bury my face in my arms on the table in front of me, my body racked in sobbing laughter.

The family member I am addressing starts losing it as well.

"WHAT ON EARTH FOR?!?" she demands.

I am utterly undone, but I must put the final cherry on top of this massive poop sundae:

I shrug my shoulders and cry out,

"RESEARCH!?!?"

We are both at risk of falling out of our chairs. All of the wind in my chest and lower down has escaped through the appropriate exits.

What a catharsis.

100 Days to Offload 2025 - Day 2

Category: Humor Tagged: 100DaysToOffload Content Warning Entertainment Humor Non-religious post Non-technical post