One of the things I hear people on the Fediverse celebrate is its incredible transience. There's no one big central network, so posts have nebulous reach throughout the network, depending on how well-"connected" your instance is, and many people set posts to auto-delete after a set period of time, so that old interactions can become one-sided, depending upon your interlocutor's auto-delete setting.

I'm of the opposite mind. As someone diagnosed with ADHD, I can sometimes struggle with object permanence: I will completely forget to think about friends or to call, unless something external triggers the connection, and I will often remember conversations in vivid detail, except who I was talking to, where, and precisely when.

I've been on the Fediverse since late 2018, and have used it as my main social network since April 2022. I dearly love that space, and it's honestly where I spend most of my time, online-wise.

It is frighteningly ephemeral to me.


The Fediverse is like this really amazing, lively bar. It's not a huge bar, it's not a bougie bar, it's more like a coop bar. There isn't much in the way of bouncers, just leaders of various families trying to keep things on the straight-and-level, and there are always many vivid conversations going on. Corporate social media like Trashbook and Xitter are more like manipulated mobs, hopped up on some kind of algorithmic drugs and constantly stoked to be agitated and angry, or just completely out to lunch in poopposting and digital nihilism/absurdism.

The only thing with this amazing bar is, nobody is checking your ID at the door, and nobody is yelling at you to stay and have another drink. It's very easy to come in, and it's very easy to slip out.

Some of those who have slipped out are completely forgotten.

That makes me sad.

I remember a couple of people I greatly enjoyed talking to that just disappeared, or closed up their self-hosted instance or whatnot, and were just GONE. Poof.
How many more were there that I don't remember, yet really valued talking to and enjoyed?

I was just tonight thinking about some of the doodles I've been sharing under the #DailyDoodle hashtag, and I remembered a friend who used to share sidewalk chalk art that he did that was always quite nice, and I found a renewed appreciation for the effort he put in.

What was his name...? Uhh...

See my problem? (I did remember his userid finally, thankfully, but he hasn't posted anything in a few weeks.)

On the crappy corporate platforms (Trashbook, at least), they're always trying to remind you of old memories to keep you bound to their platform (and feeding their rage farm). Not so on the fediverse. You curate your own experience, manage your own memories.

I do try to use lists to remind me of people I enjoy reading, and bookmarks to remind me of very helpful or interesting threads, but even with those features, there's just so much. Even among favorite (posts and people), you can still lose the forest for the trees.

So, if you're reading this, and we used to speak often in the past, but haven't spoken much recently, please say something. Holler at me. Heck, disagree with me when I'm in the middle of a glorious rant. I love that, seriously!! (If you're making good points, that is. Otherwise watch out! 😂)


100 Days to Offload 2025 - Day 28


A Toast to the Prolific ones

Tue 06 May 2025 by R.L. Dane

A screencap of the "toast" scene from The Wolf of Wall Street

I wanted to take some time out today to acknowledge some folks on the fediverse that are remarkably prolific, just for fun.

Prolific blogger — Rubenerd

Oh holy moly. This fella has words. Lots of words. Many very fine words. Just look at bro's output for 2024:

~ $ curl -s https://rubenerd …

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I Miss RC

Tue 22 April 2025 by R.L. Dane

A Dynam Hawk Sky flying above DFW in 2015, piloted by me

I was on a Signal video chat with my siblings today, and when I mentioned something about RC flight as an analogy for a person's health (being "three mistakes high"), my brother looked confused and then amused when I explained what I was talking about.

Oh, quick explainer, I'm not …

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The Last Stage of Loss?

Sat 01 February 2025 by R.L. Dane

Last night I had one of those "your loved one isn't actually dead!" dreams, but about my cat.

I used to have them a lot about my stepdad that passed away many years ago, and I had a handful about my boss that sadly ended his own life a decade …

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Do I Know You?

Fri 27 December 2024 by R.L. Dane

I was reading Deadly Headshot's toot on Christmas day, and it got me thinking about Object Permanence and social media.

The funny thing is, I can remember conversations I had on IRC in the late 1990s, but there are many people I greatly enjoyed conversing with on the Fediverse …

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My Favorite Bosses

Fri 13 December 2024 by R.L. Dane

Across three decades working in I.T., I've had the opportunity to observe some spectacularly good and spectacularly bad managers. I feel like writing an homage to the three that were the most memorable.


Name obfuscation methodology

I will be using the real name of the individuals mentioned, but I …

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You Really Can't Go Home

Mon 02 December 2024 by R.L. Dane

Content warning: This post deals with religion and politics

This is in response to my fedifriend's toot:

Sit down next to the fireplace my friend, as I spin my yarn...

In January 2016, after over two years of searching, I finally found a church home. I loved where I …

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Keep Buggering On

Sat 30 November 2024 by R.L. Dane

Well, today is the last day of Writing Month, and this is my 20th blog post of 20, which is what I signed up for.

My last post was a lot more involved and time-consuming than I expected, so I wanted to end on a high note, with a fairly …

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No More Excuses

Sun 24 November 2024 by R.L. Dane

Tonight was one of those nights were things fall into perspective.

I went to a family friend's birthday party, and it was my first time visiting them at their house in about 10 years, as well as my first time seeing both of his kids (both now grown) in nearly …

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Love is a choice

Fri 15 November 2024 by R.L. Dane

I was going to go in a different direction for tonight's blog post (thanks to the help of some kind fedifriends), but while starting on that post, I felt like I needed to revive a blog post idea from a few weeks ago first.

A month and four days ago …

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