Where to now?
I debated whether or not this should be a "toot" (status update), or a proper blog post.
Like one time before, I am going to allow it to be something in-between. An off-the-cuff blog post, not quite as structured and agonized over as a proper blog post/article, but more permanent than an ordinary status/toot.
Watching the last episode of The Good Place... again.
(Third time around)
This time, seeing Chidi walk around his old neighborhood struck me much differently than before.
I wasn't thinking about my mom or anyone else, but my own life. I was remembering walking around my old "neighborhood" (my old university) a couple years back when I went to VCFSW, which was hosted at my old Alma Mater.
I was remembering that feeling when nostalgia and remembrance gave way to the present and the banal, and my special day of nostalgia-tripping turned into just another day at the university, even though I hadn't been a student in nine years at that point. Beautiful sentiment was effaced and replaced with ordinary nowness, even though it was out of place (as was I).
And like Chidi I found myself wondering... what's next? What's left?
I'm... scarcely sainthood material, but I've done what I could in the past few years to live for the sake of others, and the one I had been focusing most of my emotional energy on is now no longer here.
So... what now?
I guess this is me unraveling one of the stages of grief. Until the past few days, I was unsure if I was even really in grieving at all. I felt fine. Relieved. A burden lifted, not that a person is ever a burden, but the burden of concern, of worry, the tight cage of emotional perturbation defined and constricted by a thousand eternal variables coming together over the span of years and finally all focusing in on a single moment.
All that suddenly gone, I felt... almost an elation. Not happiness, for certain, but a release.
And now that strange tightrope has gone slack, and I am left wondering where my footsteps should take me.
Just a quick note...
...to let you all know why I haven't been blogging for the past couple weeks.
After many years of fighting with illness, and multiple organ failures, my mother passed away peacefully last Tuesday night.
I'm doing ok, overall, but haven't had much motivation to write. Everything is still very surreal …
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Desperately Seeking Preview.app
Preview.app shown in NeXTStep 1.0 courtesy of infinitemac.org
In yesterday's post, I talked about the things I do and don't miss about MacOS, mainly focusing on the global menubar search as the main positive from my experience with Mac OS X.
Looking over blog post ideas note …
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What I Do and Don't Miss About MacOS
Background and disclaimer
I was a Mac kid. I was lucky to have my own Mac at home (a relatively low-end one, but still) for most of my high school. And like most people, I do look at the past (particularly the retrocomputing past) with pretty strongly rose-tinted glasses.
But …
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Why Do We Blog?
A few days ago, I was reading someone's blog (I don't remember who)* that was talking about the art and the "why" of blogging (or it might've been in a chat conversation, I'm not sure). I had been thinking of posting something about it, because when I told someone IRL …
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My Favorite GUI Programs, Part II
Background
In yesterday's article, I went over the GUI programs that I enjoyed using over the years and remembered fondly. While I was going to go over TUI programs today, I realized that there's a category of GUI that straddles the line between GUI and TUI that deserved its own …
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My Favorite GUI Programs
Background
Yesterday, I wrote about why I loved the command-line, and one of my good Fedifriends commented that while he appreciated a good command-line program, he generally preferred GUIs (Graphical User Interfaces).
My personal history in computing started with what you might call command-line computers, although I think it's more …
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Why I Love the Command Line
I was going to post a much more serious blog post about anhedonia yesterday, but I didn't get to do so, as I was feeling... anhedonic!
One thing I do when I'm struggling to feel... anything (because I've spent way too much time feeling way too much, but that's a …
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Songs to Improve Your Mental Health
Background
I'd be fooling myself to think that I could be the first person on the earth to note music's incredible ability to heal and salve the tormented human soul. My own journey with music is, well, unsurprisingly, about as old as I am. Most everyone on one side of …
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Anker SoundCore P30i mini-review
Time for another little hardware review.
Background
I've been getting complaints that the small, inexpensive bluetooth earbuds (Skullcandy Dime XT/XT2) I had been carrying around for the past five years have pretty poor audio quality during phone calls (likely no microphone noise cancellation), so I started looking around again …
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