Sun 24 November 2024

Tonight was one of those nights were things fall into perspective.

I went to a family friend's birthday party, and it was my first time visiting them at their house in about 10 years, as well as my first time seeing both of his kids (both now grown) in nearly as long.

There's one topic of conversation I kinda dread in social gatherings, and that's work. The reason for that is somewhat complex, but let it suffice to say that I'm not really where my passion is at, occupation-wise. Let me be more blunt: I'm coasting. I've been coasting a long time. I'm in one heck of a rut.

I thought about my young friends and how much their lives have changed in the past decade, and how little mine has. Life was moving fast the last time we were all together: I was back in school, getting my bachelors (finally), and being challenged daily (and growing a lot). Two years later (after that 10-years-ago mark), I graduated with crazy honors and felt on top of the world.

Aaaaand the world abruptly stopped, launching me into free fall. Grad school was a slog: my classmates were stuffy and standoffish at best, rude and backstabby at worst. There was no structure, and my gloriously undiagnosed ADHD was a train wreck at 24,000 fps.

I never finished grad school, and I never really found where to put myself. I coasted, I survived, but I never thrived.

I thought long and hard about all of the things that constantly stood in my way. ADHD. Depression. Autism?? Who knows?! I could just sit there and read off the list of why I was so stuck.

But ultimately... I have to own it.
It's my life.

I can justify a million ways from Sunday why it's so bleeping miserable at times. (Ok, a heck of a lot of the time).

Or I can just freaking do something about it.

Category: Life Tagged: ADHD Life Non-religious post Non-technical post Philosophy Productivity WritingMonth