Content Warning: This post involves illness and extremely stressful situations
Have you ever had a lucid dream? One where you could just bend reality to your will — fly freely by thinking, become POTUS, rule a banana republic (two things that are becoming tragically similar), or propose marriage the famous person that makes your heart go all apitter?
I had a vivid lucid dream once, except I wasn't dreaming. I was completely awake and aware of my surroundings, but at the same time, existing in this daydream reverie. It might sound outlandish, but it was in the context of an extremely painful situation. A near relative was being transferred to yet another hospital in their months-long fight to live, and I was yet again completely overwhelmed.
In a moment of being faced with the mortality of a loved one, the extremity of the situation, the extreme uncertainty of the future, my mind blew a bubble and put me inside it. I looked up at the ceiling pondering the difficult events of the day, and entered a vivid daydream of flying. In my mind, I wasn't looking up at the lights and suspended ceiling, but rather looking down at it. I was floating freely, like someone aboard the ISS. It felt like being totally free and unbothered by anything in life.
My reverie progressed from floating freely without gravity to being aware of the ability to control my gravity: I could float, fall, or fall upward and stand/walk on the ceiling. I started thinking about how to harness this ability: what kind of lightweight aircraft (sans engine, nor needing extremely large wings like a glider) I could design and theoretically construct to take advantage of this ability to fall downwards and then upwards (and downwards again, etc) and translate it into forward movement.
I'm dead serious. I'm certain I was in this reverie for at least five minutes. My mind was giving me something to do, and an out from a painful situation. I considered all of the opportunities and ramifications this newfound ability could possess.
And then, after enjoying the relief this line of thinking brought, I took this little world of my own making, folded it up, put it in my mental shirt pocket, and re-entered the world of pain, inefficacy, and uncertainty.
Note: The title of this article is in homage to a short story written by a bright young lady in my otherwise awful undergraduate creative writing class several years ago. Her short stories were a delightful read, and she was always supportive, rather than taking pleasure in mocking others' stories. Wherever you're at Hibah, I sincerely hope you're having an amazing life. :)
How to Raise the Dead: An Instructional Guide to Necromancy, as it were
Fading into Memory (the cruelest stage of grief)
Content Warning: This post deals with grief
Yet again, I had planned to write about healthy mourning, and yet again, what's on my mind being hijacked by what's rattling around in my heart.
There is this innocent, necessary, and healthy stage of mourning that is also so terribly cruel: the …read more
Content Warning: This post deals with the death of a pet and mourning, and approaches things from a Christian viewpoint.
Content Warning, part 2: This post went into far greater detail about the events leading up to my cat's passing than I initially intended, so if you're mourning a loved …read more
One month later
Content warning: This post deals with loss
Well, one month later.
One month ago, I said goodbye to my furry best friend.
I've thought about him every day, several times a day.
Nearly every day, I find myself thinking,
"Well, I've got time, I can stop by the house and …
Content Warning: this post deals with the loss of a pet
So, last night I stayed up late carefully putting up my cat's effects: food bowl, water bowl, litter tray. I washed his carrier (because he peed in it when he was sick) in the washing machine. I was scheduled …read more