A Grief Fulfilled
Just moments ago, I removed the cat bed that's been on the corner of my bed for the past nine months, and placed it in the closet.
Minutes before that, as I walked into my home, I called out to my cat one last time (which I had done nearly daily as a kind of observance since he passed).
Nine months. I feels like a whole number...
I feel like a whole person.
Bonus that I also got to celebrate my mother's birthday today, and several friends and even a couple former caregivers came to celebrate with us. That definitely helped color the day with bright hues.
But even without that temporally coextensive occurrence (a fancy way of saying "coincidence" without trying to force a clinical worldview upon the happenstance), the time feels fulfilled.
Rest in glory, furry beloved. We will play yet again.
Freedom
Content Warning: this is all coming from a fairly Christian worldview, and so may seem a bit like proselyting to those from other traditions and beliefs. I'm just putting out what I'm mulling over, so as always, you're welcome to read it, or wait for another nerdy UNIXy post a …
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Fun Chance Meetings
A couple days ago, I was discussing with my counselor the importance of in-person relationships. I commented on how incredibly easy it is to open a computer and drop into a meaningful and enjoyable conversation within a few minutes (especially on the Fediverse!), but that it felt nearly impossible to …
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Two months later
Content warning: This post deals with loss
As I have alluded to before, there is a certain process of effacing that time does to loss and grief, as well as the memory of the departed.
I'm staring at the two month mark, and while I've had some truly dark moments …
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I can fly!
Content Warning: This post involves illness and extremely stressful situations
Have you ever had a lucid dream? One where you could just bend reality to your will — fly freely by thinking, become POTUS, rule a banana republic (two things that are becoming tragically similar), or propose marriage the famous person …
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Fading into Memory (the cruelest stage of grief)
Content Warning: This post deals with grief
Yet again, I had planned to write about healthy mourning, and yet again, what's on my mind being hijacked by what's rattling around in my heart.
There is this innocent, necessary, and healthy stage of mourning that is also so terribly cruel: the …
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One month later
Content warning: This post deals with loss
Well, one month later.
One month ago, I said goodbye to my furry best friend.
I've thought about him every day, several times a day.
Nearly every day, I find myself thinking,
"Well, I've got time, I can stop by the house and …
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Too clean
Content Warning: this post deals with the loss of a pet
So, last night I stayed up late carefully putting up my cat's effects: food bowl, water bowl, litter tray. I washed his carrier (because he peed in it when he was sick) in the washing machine. I was scheduled …
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